Alone with my thoughts

It’s March 9th today, 15 days after the birth of our little girl. It’s 10:15 PM now, just finished doing the dishes and enjoying a cup of warm Lactaid mixed with Cadbury chocolate powder (a gift from my London-based cousin). It’s quiet in the house, except for the TV, the dryer running in the basement, and my husband’s snoring (which doesn’t seem to bother our baby).

I find myself torn between two worlds. In one world, I’m enjoying the quiet and the reprieve from mommy (aka milkmaid) duties. Round-the-clock feeding is slowly taking its toll on me. I haven’t had enough sleep in the last two weeks; my breasts feel heavy and my right nipple is sore. And then there are other chores to be completed, which my husband can’t do because he just had eye surgery (heavy lifting prohibited). So, yeah, I’m tired and enjoying this moment of peace.

In another world, I long to hold our baby in my arms. I long to feed her straight from my breast. I long to kiss her plump cheeks and stare at her face as she slowly falls asleep. I long to hear her little snores and the random sounds she makes while sleeping. I long to see her smile in her sleep.

I’m torn between two worlds. It’s a strange feeling. Somehow, I know that, in the end, it’s to that second world I will gravitate.

I hear her stirring now. My time alone with my thoughts has come to an end. I’m off to be a mom now.

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