Losing myself

It’s easy to lose myself nowadays.

I spend hours caring for my child. Being a mother never ends, even when I start work (I work at home). I spend eight hours as a technical support specialist. I also spend a few hours being a homemaker: getting dinner ready, tidying up some things. And I squeeze in whatever time is left to being a wife (or at least I try). At the end of the day, I get some 10 minutes to wash up before bedtime. And even during bedtime, being a mother never ends (she’s breastfed at 7 months, you see, and I don’t want to change that just yet).

I find myself grasping for some little time just for myself, to do something that I want to do by myself (excepting hygienic activities). But when my body hits the bed, even with the desire to read a book, I fall asleep right away. (Even as I’m writing this post, I’m still being a mother, feeding her baby pureed sweet potatoes.)

Today, I keep asking myself who am I underneath all these titles/roles. I seem to have lost my answer. I’ve been defined by my roles and I realized that they’re not just my roles. I have become them. Nothing wrong with that, really. But I find that I’ve lost touch with who I really am.

When I do find myself again, I will let the whole world know who I am.

PS: Don’t give me that you-can-always-find-time-for-yourself crap. It will only piss me off. Ktnxbye!

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