The last two months were filled with many stressful work days, diaper changes, peekaboos, nursery rhymes, one movie date, some mental self-care and catching up (in person!) with a cousin from overseas.
What I want to highlight is the mental self-care.
I can say that I’m comfortable in my own skin. I can sit by myself with just a book or do chores without TV or music blaring in the background. I know my limitations and flaws, and I’m ok with them (even though I’m too hard on myself sometimes). I don’t have a lot of physical insecurities. These enable me to answer “Yes” if I were asked “Do you accept who you are?”
But when I look inward, when I go deeper in my thoughts and eventually realize my thought process during an especially difficult situation, can I honestly and confidently answer “Yes” to the same question?
Honestly? I don’t know.
When I think about reflecting on what thoughts go through my head, why those thoughts come in my head, I start to worry.
Nah, I’m going to be honest.
I start to become afraid. I’m afraid of what I might discover of myself. I’m afraid that my perception of self is a contradiction of my deepest thoughts.
I’m afraid that the person I know now is just a perception of self, and not the real me.
On a happier note, I’m actually looking forward to getting to know myself again. I haven’t been in touch with my own head in such a long time. With all the changes that has taken place in my life in the last 5 years, it’s about time I reconnect with myself.